Ask HN: I Need Advice

What has always worked for me is taking small steps and being outside. Even just go outside once, to the shop further away. Then do then do that again. Small and near-term goals. Today, this afternoon, in the next 10 minutes.

What has always kept me in that funk is trying to get back to 'normal' as a goal. It feels too big a jump, so I'd put it off for another day. And then a week has passed.

I don't want this to come across as a plug. But I made an app for myself in these situations (and to avoid them). Check my profile and you'll find it. Message me somehow and I'll give you a free subscription, in return for some honest feedback.

But small steps, and be outside more. As others are also saying. Just witnessing life is carrying on as normal really is refreshing.

Go get a job at a cafe, 30-40 hours a week. Early morning shifts.

You’ll fix your schedule and be motivated to actually apply for better tech jobs.

What might help is if you had some external entity to be dependent upon you getting work done in order for it to get its work done. A job provides this kind of infrastructure to you.

This suggestion only applies if you're a programmer, and assumes you were doing AI-assisted coding before you got laid off... You know how the agentic AI people say you have to get your slow human self out of the ralph loop? Well, put yourself back in the loop.

Whenever your agent harness is blocked, waiting for your input, it should periodically wake and nag you to engage with it. Once you've got this, now something is depending on you to get work done.

If you need an idea for a project to work on, how about a product/service to help people in your exact situation.

Start by doing things that involve being outside. I find that just being outside seems to establish a greater attachment to the rest of the world, and some motivation to continue to be in it, and want to make it better.

Better if there's also something you can do with other people. I play tennis and I do inline skating. It gets me out with people, and not always people I would choose, which provides some amount of grounding / self-checking.

Start a little project, remind yourself of what you can do, and what you're good at doing, and what you enjoy doing.

If you have to sit and watch TV, I've found Halt and Catch Fire to be somewhat motivational to "do something" and find the dark corners that can be probed and pushed (and HCF likely fits well into the interests of HN folks).

I've been in a similar situation. I worked for almost 10 years, left my last job about a year ago, and have been learning all on my own and arranging my life according to my own wishes. I found myself very afraid of getting into the job hunt and taking interviews — so much so that, until now, I couldn't even send out my very first application.

I also realized one of my biggest problems, which adds to my anxiety: doing things without evaluation or feedback. When that's missing, the whole cycle of working toward a goal breaks down. Again, I think the main reason is that I'm afraid of challenges and afraid of failure.

I've been practicing breaking down my goals and making sure I hear outside voices and get feedback, so I can adjust my next steps in time instead of soaking in one thing for too long and "pretending" to be focused. I made a vow that I won't go out to play my favorite sport until I send out my first application this week — a small step. As of today, my actual progress is still behind the weekly goal I set at the beginning of the week. But I'm firm that I can't make any more excuses; I have to take that first small step each time, as a way of telling myself what my true priority is.

The worst case is that I fail every interview and no company wants me. But then I'll at least know where I stand and what I should improve to become a stronger candidate.

Come on, my friend — let's work it out.

Hey there TuxedoBuddy, that sucks. My advice would be the advice that I would give myself in your situation: take any job, no matter how low and immediately start looking for something better. That kicks you out of the rut and limits the damage, it also immediately stretches your runway. Besides that: it hopefully will create a healthy dissatisfaction with your new found job to the point that you will be very motivated to get rid of it, but this time on your terms. Much strength, I hope this helps you.

I would say start a side project. It gives you something to work towards everyday. Try working from cafes or co working space if you don't feel productive at home.

Sometimes you just need a purpose to work towards

Do the opposite of everything you have been doing and allow yourself to keep doing what you are doing , that blend is where the middle ends

Firstly, take everything that I say with a grain of salt. I can only reply on to the things that you've told here and give advice from it but I don't know the full situation. Read the advice and apply it as you wish.

> I have been staying up late, sleeping in, skipping chores, neglecting my relationships, eating too much food, neglecting hygiene, and generally just being a bum.

Happens with me. Something which helps me is figuring out why I sleep late. For me, it was a constant cycle of trying to do something today's night to cope up with waking up late or not doing something today.

Realize that productivity = hours put in * focus. I found myself constantly procastinating (hours go down) and when doing tasks (with less focus)

And if you continue this cycle, then the cycle continues. Over a long term, it is better for you to sleep today no matter how the day went early and then wake up early. It has been scientifically shown to improve your mental health and even from the logical standpoint of productivity, it will be better to sleep early today than not.

Your time is constant, when you sleep late you are borrowing time from tomorrow's productivity and this borrowing cycle will continue and you will feel as if you are short on time but you have ample amount of time provided you break the cycle.

Don't Neglect your relationships: Here's a comment[0] that I recently wrote about it. TLDR: try to appreciate them back and don't take them for granted. Appreciate them a lot.

There is some logic that I have found in that struggle is finite and constant and you can either take it in small doses today rather than an instant hit later. This also applies to doing chores

Regarding cleanliness: My room is a mess but the logic which can help is that I have found myself losing so so many time because I lost my keys or just lost something and then it has an insane amount of stress/time loss and struggle. I had forgotten (twice) that I had already taken my clothes back from laundry because of how messy my room is and I had to manually count all clothes I have (twice).

The amount of struggle in keeping your room clean is better than keeping it not clean.

Also, even speaking out of logical arguments, right now if I understand you, you want to be the guy who does keep his room clean, who does sleep early and who does appreciate relationships. You don't want the immediate benefits of it as much as you want it to help be part of your identity and boost its self-confidence. You want to be the guy as you want to do something, anything.

> My main reason has been that I am afraid of interviewing and that my skills are not up to par.

Happens with me as well but again the struggle is constant if not larger. You can either do interviews right now and fail them (which is okay, literally everyone fails) and failure teaches more than success. You learn from it, you improve and your fear can be taken less. Fear is because of the fact that you aren't approaching it, not that you aren't approaching it because of fear. In some sense, its a chicken and egg problem and the only way to break out of it is to not give the fear enough importance to make you change decisions but rather act on it and pass through its struggle and win through it. Do the interviews right now,don't postpone/procastinate it. Try to give as much as possible and not expect anything in return. because if so, then what is it to fear? Worst case: you don't get the job, best case: you do.

Well if you don't interview, its already the worst case plus you are giving fear its weight.

If you notice, I am saying the same thing over and over again applying more weight to it each time but I think that this overarching philosophy does help me sometimes to be more comfortable with struggling to then be a better person because I want to be a better person and I am gonna struggle. Might as well struggle (less) and then be a person I am proud of being.

Once again, I doubt that the thing stopping you is knowledge. I have tried to give knowledge but in today's world, it's not because you lack some knowledge that is causing you this but rather the lack of actions. One action can speak more and form your identity better than reading books and speaking all you want.

Your brain asks you: Talk is cheap, show me the actions. Actions start small and slowly and with some initial intrinsic/extrinsic motivation. Words can help you motivate for sometime but it won't be lasting unless you decide it upon your identity itself.

Books which can help you: Atomic Habits, How to win friends and influence people, How to measure your life, Deep work.

Hope this helps and I understand the situation that you are going through and I genuinely want you to know that you can change this very instant, and so with that in mind, have a nice day :-D

[0]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=50271091