Men getting twice as much plastic surgery, new data shows

I don't know if this data is accurate. My father ran his fingers through a table saw. A great plastic surgeon put his hand back together. I don't know if this data is accurate.

Being 70 years old I have been thinking about getting a bit of an upgrade.

A new face would be nice, I wonder how that works. Do you have to wait for a young car crash victim and be first inline for a face transplant. Money talks I suppose,

I don't want a shiny frankenstein one like Jeff (benzodiazepine) Bezos and Mark (facecrook) Sucker-fur-berger have. They look like their highly polished faces are melting under the lights when they are interviewed.

A new foreskin would be helpful or at the very least a bit of a tightening procedure. Honestly you could make a handbag out of the loose section. Thats my overzealous wife's fault, hands like an Irish ground worker.

I have been bald for a millennium and recently been fantasising about a wig like the one Trump wears, in a nice warm blonde colour, not yellow like Trumps one.

Apart from that I am quite healthy. The old brain still works good enough to do the guardian cryptic crossword every day.